Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
