I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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