Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
