Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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