I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
