It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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