Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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