last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
