Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
