so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
