It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
