i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
