I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
