Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
