put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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