Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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