My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
