Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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