I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In other news, I just burned my penis
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My ass is underappreciated
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
