If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
