I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
