OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
