I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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