I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
