There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
