i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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