I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
