He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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