You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
