I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
