Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
