Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
His nipple licking is glorious
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