Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
