i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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