yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
