i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
