how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
