Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
