I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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