apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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