I need help removing her.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
