there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
