Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
