i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
