Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
