Only a mothe r could love this liver
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
