party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
