I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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