I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
