just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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