he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
