South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
