It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
