you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
