I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
